My Nerdoir

A nerdy, New Wave kid in East Texas during the 1980s.

Tag: mccoy

Episode 9: Arena, part 1 – The Gym Class Horror

by Jeff

“Phaser banks, lock on to the enemy vessel. Stand by for firing orders. All hands, this is the Captain. We are going into battle. All hands, battle stations. Red alert. I repeat, red alert. This is no drill. This is no drill.”

Captain Kirk in the Star Trek original series episode “Arena.”

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“Bob and weave! Bob and weave! Jab! Jab!”
I hold my fists high to protect my face as I’ve seen boxers do on TV, but the gloves are too cumbersome and heavy for me. The gym is filled with the high-pitched squeaks of kids in sneakers running across the wooden floor, punctuated with occasional bursts of laughter echoing through the bleachers. I awkwardly shuffle from side to side as I hear Coach Hurry barking out orders. I’m wearing some sort of protective leather headgear that looks like it came straight out of a Little Rascals short from the 1930s as I stagger around the tumbling mats laid on the gym floor. Across from me is the blurry face of my best friend, David Gregg, peering out of another set of goofy head protection. David is also dressed in the standard P.E. uniform of an oversized Southmore Jr. High t-shirt tucked into the elastic waistband of stiff, grey running shorts, along with white, knee-high athletic socks striped at the top, and sneakers, which in Texas we called “tenny shoes.” I’m certain that we look cartoonishly ridiculous, feeling exposed and vulnerable without our glasses as we stumble around the mats hoping that the coach will soon loose interest. Instead he just keeps barking out orders, “Shuffle! Take a swing! Keep your gloves up! C’mon, FIGHT!”

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Captain Kirk prepares to fight.

P.E. is the nerd’s version of hell. Read the rest of this entry »

Episode 7: The Corbomite Maneuver – Cosplay at Star Trek, Las Vegas

by Jeff

I’m on a brightly lit stage hiding under a black curtain that hangs from the shoulders of the large puppet head I made for my costume. To the hundreds of Trekkies in the audience, my costume appears to be an imposing alien from the episode “The Corbomite Maneuver.” This is my version of the same frightening face that the crew of the Enterprise see on their view screen, but like the creature they come to know as Balok, I also have a surprise.

Balok as the crew of the Enterprise originally see him.

Balok as the crew of the Enterprise originally see him.

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The Balok head that I built.

The MC of the costume contest matter-of-factly says, “So what we have here is a well-made Balok head…” I hear a smattering of laughter along with polite applause before I lean towards the mic and pompously declare in a deep voice mimicing the character, “Greetings, Earthlings. I am pleased to see that you are all seated in awe of me.” I pause for the laughter to settle before bellowing, “Is it safe to reveal my true self?” After I hear a few people yell, “Yes!” I come to life, tearing open the curtain and stepping out to reveal the other costume I’d been hiding; my interpretation of the actual Balok, who in a Star Trek variant on the Wizard from Oz, is revealed to be a bald, child-sized alien with bushy eyebrows and a penchant for a drink called Tranya.

The actual Balok portrayed by Clint Howard.

The actual Balok, portrayed by Clint Howard.

My hair is stuffed under a sweaty, latex bald cap. The ridiculous red eyebrows glued to my forehead are made from a fake handlebar mustache that I cut in half and flipped upside down. Strapped tightly around my neck and hanging in front of me as if it were my own body is a headless 3-foot-tall doll, dressed in a silver, shiny costume I sewed. The rest of my body is clothed in black to hide my skin and enhance the effect of the doll/puppet, which has a small stick attached under his right hand, allowing me to raise and lower his glass of Tranya. Read the rest of this entry »